


The Prank That Went Wrong

by Humbae



Category: Ylvis
Genre: Gen, h/c
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-16
Updated: 2013-12-22
Packaged: 2018-01-04 20:41:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1085479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Humbae/pseuds/Humbae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When kicking strangers for entertainment, things can go badly wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Bård, Vegard, Magnus and Calle were in Ukraine kicking people. They had originally planned to go to America, but their legal team had told them in no uncertain terms that they would not get involved in the multiple lawsuits that would inevitably follow. Duly warned, the I Kveld Med Ylvis team decided to head somewhere they wouldn't get recognised and where people would not yell for their lawyers because of some harmless pranks. As it turned out, they should've just gone to America.

 

Calle was the one to literally kick things into action. He settled near a fountain that was located in an open area at the top of a wide stone staircase. Tall ornamental buildings surrounded the fountain and made for a cosy place for some make-belief violence. Calle leaned casually against the fountain and looked around, waiting for an opportune moment. A woman with a purple jacket walked past and Calle gently kicked her in the rear. At first she was outraged, but when they talked to her off-camera, she laughed and told them it was fine to show the clip in the exotic Norway.

 

And so it continued until almost lunch time. People were sometimes evidently and hilariously frightened when Magnus went to kick them, but after he explained what they were doing and they saw that he was a gentle giant, they all wanted a hug from him. It was about fifteen minutes before the camera crew would've started whining of hunger when Magnus spotted someone as tall as he was in the crowd and started walking towards him. Bård noticed this as well and discreetly called him back. Bård figured it would be much funnier if the somewhat vertically challenged Vegard was the one to kick the huge guy. Thus he ordered his brother to go and Vegard obeyed without objection.

 

Vegard just about reached the man's rear with his foot and nonchalantly walked away after delivering a gentle kick. Vegard stopped to stand at the top of the stone staircase that led down from the fountain. The camera crew cued him that they had perfect material for the clip and that Vegard could go back to the tall guy to explain, but when Vegard turned around, the guy was there, right behind him.

 

“Hey, we're filming a-” was all Vegard managed before the man raised his hands and violently pushed Vegard against the chest. Vegard was completely unprepared for the shove and had no chance of catching himself. Bård, Magnus and Calle watched in absolute horror as Vegard fell down the flight of stone stairs that seemed endlessly long.

 

After Vegard hit the ground, everything was still for a moment. Then Bård was running to where the stairs started and jumped them down two or three at a time. Magnus and Calle ran after the tall man who had simply walked off from the scene. Vegard wasn't moving at all.

 

Bård made it down to his brother in record time, but after he got there, he didn't really know what to do. Carefully Bård knelt down and called Vegard's name, his hand hovering just above his brother's shoulder. Vegard had landed on his side and his face was hidden by his ridiculous pile of curls. Bård gently pushed them aside. Vegard was unconscious and Bård didn't know what to do, how to help him. Bård looked around but Magnus and Calle were nowhere to be seen and the camera crew were... still filming.

 

“Cut it off, for fuck's sake!” Bård snapped, somewhat relieved to have something else to focus on.

 

“Where's Magnus and Calle?” Bård asked but he didn't wait for a reply. “Bjørn, call an ambulance”, Bård commanded and felt a bit better. At least there was something in this situation that he could control. He didn't really even want to look at Vegard's crumpled form, but a soft moan drew his attention.

 

“Easy, Vegard, take it easy. I'm right here, you're alright. You're not hurt, you're fine,” Bård knew his words were untrue, but maybe if he said them convincingly enough, they would become reality. A sudden gasp of pain from Vegard pretty much denied that option.

 

“Okay, it's okay. Just... tell me where it hurts, yeah?” Bård babbled, trying very hard not to look at Vegard's face and the agony evident there. Vegard wasn't really fully there though, so Bård's question went unanswered.

 

“Just breath, keep on breathing”, Bård said, not sure who he was talking to anymore.

 

“The ambulance will be here soon”, Bjørn announced. It took Bård a moment to realise what he was talking about. He needed to pull himself together and fast. This was no time to panic. His brother needed him, Bård had to keep it together. Taking a very deep breath, Bård shut his worry out and took control.

 

“Right. That's good. Nico, can you go back up the stairs and see where Magnus and Calle are. I'll go with Vegard once they get here. Bjørn, you keep everyone informed about what's happening where.” With that, Bård realised there was nothing left for him to do but wait. Time to face the reality.

 

Bård cautiously ran his hands over Vegard's body, taking great care to not move his head or neck at all. When he touched Vegard's left arm and right leg, he elicited such gut-wrenching moans of pain that he knew there would be broken bones. Vegard's breathing also didn't seem quite right, but Bård couldn't even guess what was off. He only hoped that the ambulance would get there soon and that there would be no worse injuries. He knew Vegard most likely had a concussion since he had been knocked unconscious, but hopefully there wouldn't be any brain damage. Bård didn't even want to think about that option, so he concentrated on looking around instead.

 

They had attracted a small crowd, but no one offered help or said anything, they just looked. This made Bård furious, but luckily before he could do or say anything he would later regret, he heard an approaching car. He was somewhat surprised since he had expected sirens, but wasted no thoughts on the matter. The ambulance was finally there and Bård could let the professionals take over.


	2. Chapter 2

The next moments passed by in a blur. Bård barely knew where he was and what was happening. The ambulance crew had gathered around Vegard and Bård had given them space, stepping into the side. It seemed like an eternity before they pulled out a stretcher, put one of those collar things on Vegard and lifted him into the ambulance. Bård had mutely stepped into the car as well and no one had protested. The ride had been blissfully swift, but at the hospital Vegard had been taken somewhere and Bård had been handed a Ukrainian form to fill on his brother's behalf. For the last half an hour, Bård had simply been sitting in the waiting area, a clipboard and a pen laying unused in his lap.

 

Bård was the middle child. He and Vegard were quite close in age, especially when compared to the age difference between them and Bjarte, but they were still all brothers. As Bjarte's older brother, Bård was fiercely protective of him. Had anyone been bullying him as a kid, Bård would've happily beaten every single bully until they never dared cross paths with an Ylvisåker again. As an older brother, Bård's position was to be the protector, the older and wiser one, the one to depend on. However, Bård was also a younger brother. For him, Vegard was the one he could always depend on, who would always take care of him, the one who would never let anything bad happen to his little brother. Bård had figuratively and literally stood on Vegard's shoulders and never felt safer.

 

As the oldest one, Vegard was the responsible one. He would always somehow just know when one of his little brothers needed him. He was there, a strong, calming presence you could absolutely depend on. Yet at the same time, Vegard was the most shy and withdrawn of the three. He might be the one who went first, but he always let his brothers shine and steal the spotlight. Vegard was the rock that could take Bård's lightning temper, his outbursts and his more or less playful abuse. And never complain.

 

Bård buried his face in his hands. He heard the pen clatter to the floor from his lap, but he really couldn't care less. The image of Vegard lying helpless on the ground kept flashing in front of Bård's eyes. This was not how it was supposed to be. Vegard was supposed to be there to keep Bård calm and tell him everything would be alright. Now Bård was truly alone and it scared him. His first instinct was to turn to Vegard, but of course that wasn't an option. Next he wondered where Magnus and Calle had disappeared to. Bård dug out his phone and tried calling both, but neither answered. Then he called Bjørn, starting to feel truly uncomfortable. If he didn't answer either, Bård wasn't sure what he'd do. Thankfully, Bjørn picked up the phone after a couple of rings.

 

“You at a hospital?” Bjørn asked. Bård explained the situation: he was waiting and Vegard was being looked after. Bjørn told Bård that Nico had returned to him with no sighting of Magnus or Calle. Bård felt as if someone had put a belt around his chest and pulled it tight. His brother was injured, his friends were missing and he was alone in a foreign country. Never had Bård needed his big brother as much as he did then.

 

Bjørn and Nico promised to go look for Magnus and Calle, but Bård didn't really feel any better after hearing that. He almost expected that something bad had happened to them as well and that he would be completely alone. Luckily, Bård didn't have time to panic, for a man in a white coat had stepped into the waiting area and called for “Julvisaker”. Bård had heard enough foreign variations of their name to react immediately. He stood up, set the unfilled form on the seat and approached the man. All the colour seemed to disappear from the world and Bård barely heard anything over the thumping of his own heart. He kept his eyes fixed on the man and walked slowly and steadily, trying to keep himself from trembling. This was it, now he would hear how bad it was.

 

*****

 

Magnus and Calle were sitting on a park bench. They were not proud of themselves. Yet at the same time, they were glad that they had done what they had done. Calle had his phone out but he wasn't doing anything with it. They had called Bjørn and found out that the brothers were at a hospital and that Bjørn would call as soon as Bård let him know what the situation was. That meant that there was nothing to do but wait. Calle hadn't thought to ask which hospital and where, so for the time being, they simply stayed where they were.

 

“We really shouldn't have done it”, Calle finally said. He had put his phone in his pocket and was rubbing his hands slowly together. He looked up to Magnus to see the tall man's reaction. Magnus was looking ahead, but Calle wondered if he really saw the trees that were there.

 

“It was definitely wrong”, Calle continued, hoping to get some sort of reaction out of his friend. Magnus had barely said a word after the incident and Calle was starting to worry.

 

“No”, was what Magnus finally said. Just a simple negation.

 

“What the hell do you mean?” Calle asked, getting angry for some reason. He looked up to Magnus again, but he wasn't saying anything else. Calle opened his mouth, but then he simply closed it without saying anything. On some level, he agreed with Magnus. It may have been wrong, but there was no way they could've not done it. Calle sighed and ran his hands through his blonde hair. This day sucked and he just wanted it to be over and to go home.

 

After the tall man had pushed Vegard down the stairs, Calle had immediately felt such fury wash over him that he didn't even think anymore. He had simply seen the man start to walk away and had chased after him. He had seen Bård run to where Vegard had fallen and knew his long-time friend would be looked after, so he concentrated on the tall man completely. Calle had first walked quietly behind the man, not sure what he was going to do, but intent on not letting him get away. What truly surprised Calle was when he realised that Magnus was walking by his side.

 

Magnus was known as a gentle giant. The phrase might be worn, but it fit Magnus so perfectly it was hard not to use. For crying out loud, Calle had witnessed Magnus apologising to an ant he had accidentally stepped on. Therefore, it was truly disturbing to see Magnus walk behind the other tall man with murder in his eyes. Then again, Magnus was strangely and relentlessly protective of Vegard.

 

Calle hadn't witnessed the first meeting between the two, but he had heard the story so many times he could practically see it in his mind. Magnus had been a young aspiring writer applying for a position in the new talk show. The brothers had been impressed by his comedic talent and invited him for an interview. Ylvis had already been a household name in Norway by then and Magnus had been terribly nervous. The young man had arrived in their office, waited for his turn and finally entered the room after his name had been called. Magnus had first shaken Bård's hand and then Vegard's and had started to go to his seat. However, nervous and somewhat clumsy as he was, he had managed to trip on his own feet and he had fallen on Vegard who had still been standing right in front of Magnus. The young man had been absolutely mortified and waved goodbye to his hopes of working on the show. Bård had laughed so hard he needed to sit on the floor and Vegard had crawled out from under Magnus, face red as a tomato. Everyone said it was a miracle that Magnus had still gotten the job, but in Magnus' mind, the true miracle was that he hadn't killed Vegard with his mass.

 

Ever since their first meeting, after they got to know each other outside work as well, Magnus had taken great care never to fall on the smaller man again. This behaviour had only gotten worse over time when Magnus learned how utterly careless Vegard could be with his own well-being. Magnus was figuratively and literally the biggest mother hen on the planet and had the strength to back it up. Calle and Bård made fun of the two, but at the same time, they had to admit it was good to know Vegard had someone in his corner. Calle could hold his own against just about everything and Bård always seemed to come out on top of every situation, thanks to his natural charm, blind luck and an older brother who was worse than a rabid wolverine when his brother was threatened.

 

It was therefore easy to see how the situation at hand had come about. Magnus was absolutely furious, much angrier than Calle had ever seen the man get. It was somewhat unsettling and not a little bit frightening. The tall man they were chasing had had no chance whatsoever. After he turned into a narrow street a bit off the main road, Magnus had moved so fast Calle had gotten actually scared. Magnus was yelling abuse at the man and throwing him about at the same time. When the man finally had enough of a break to collect himself together and realise what was happening, Calle joined in. This was not a fair fight. This was not supposed to be a fair fight. This was punishment.

 

At some point Magnus and Calle realised they had gone far enough and they needed to stop or face the consequences. They opted to stop and walk away. The man was yelling something at them in Ukrainian, but the two simply walked away. Calle's hands were throbbing from punching and he had no desire to turn back to see what he had done. He had been so concentrated on Magnus' extreme reaction that he hadn't had time to think about his own feelings. Now, when the worst rage had been satisfied, he realised just how murderously angry he had been. Calle might enjoy abusing his friends, sometimes also physically, but what the man had done was in a completely different category. Calle was allowed to smack his friends on the head when they were being stupid, but if someone else so much as tapped them on the rear, he would happily beat them to next week.

 

Calle shook his head in disgust. He had not thought he really had that in him. He liked to consider himself as a peaceful man. He wished no one harm and had only rarely been in fights. Even in the Marines he had learned communications and morse code, not how to effectively kill people. Sure, his training had included all aspects of the armed forces, but he had not enjoyed the violent parts. And if this was what Calle felt, he couldn't even begin to guess what was going on under Magnus' light brown hair.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgot to post this note earlier, but yeah, this story is set in AU where both brothers are single and have no children.

Bård was sitting in a highly uncomfortable chair. The thing resembled lawn furniture more than anything fitting for a hospital. Bård knew he was only paying attention to the room itself since he didn't want to pay attention to what was right in front of him. Vegard was asleep in the hospital bed. They would keep him over-night for observation and if all was well in the morning, Bård could take his brother home. Only the doctor hadn't recommended flying right away, so Bård should really be looking for a hotel. They had planned on leaving on an evening flight that day, and the hotel they had been staying in didn't have enough vacancies for the extra nights they would need. However, Bård couldn't be bothered with the practical matters at that moment.

 

The doctor had earlier explained to Bård in heavily accented and somewhat uncertain English that Vegard had miraculously escaped truly serious injuries. His left arm was broken, but it was a 'good break', so to say. It hadn't required surgery and should heal nicely safe inside a cast. Vegard's right leg wasn't broken, but his knee was badly sprained. It would need to be checked again later, but at the moment a knee brace and a crutch should be sufficient. Bård had been especially worried about his brother's silly head, but the doctor assured him that they had found no signs of brain damage, swelling or bleeding. There were also a couple of broken ribs, but they weren't in danger of puncturing his lungs. The doctor had explained it all in much greater detail and with medical jargon (or possibly Ukrainian words) thrown in, but that was what Bård had understood. All in all, they had been very, very lucky.

 

Somehow, looking at his brother lying there all pale and still, Bård didn't feel particularly lucky. Vegard had been awake earlier but Bård hadn't been there to witness it. They had given Vegard some strong painkillers that had knocked him right out. Bård could only smile at that. He knew how poorly Vegard held his alcohol or drugs or even caffeine. Heck, whole Norway knew the brothers weren't heavy drinkers.

 

Vegard made a soft sound and Bård was immediately torn from his thoughts. He approached the bed and concentrated on his brother. Vegard looked so strangely small. The cast in his arm looked too big for him and the hospital pyjamas (purple dots on a blue base) made him look even paler than he was. Bård didn't like seeing Vegard like this. Vegard was the short, stout powerhouse who could lift Bård and not break a sweat. He wasn't supposed to lay there with his mouth slightly open and an ugly bruise discolouring his left cheek.

 

“Hey”, Bård said as Vegard's eyelids slowly fluttered open. The brown eyes were slow to focus, but eventually they found Bård. “How are you doing?”

 

“Umm... what?” was all Vegard managed and Bård had to suppress a smile. What the hell had they given him?

 

“Remember what happened?” Bård asked and waited for an answer. Might as well make sure Vegard was coherent and that he did indeed remember the events of the day. “We were filming a thing...”

 

“Mmm... yeah. At the fountain”, Vegard said, slowly joining the real world again. “That big guy. Did he... push me?”

 

“Yeah, you were at the top of the looong stone staircase”, Bård answered, enormously relieved that Vegard seemed okay. “You bounced down like a slinky, it's a wonder you didn't crack your head open.”

 

“Right”, Vegard mumbled and closed his eyes. He seemed really tired and somewhat out of it, but Bård didn't want to be alone again.

 

“Hey come on, don't you want to know how badly you did get hurt?” Bård tried rousing Vegard's curiosity, but his older brother was fast asleep. Bård didn't even know his bottom lip was slightly protruding like a petulant child's. He sighed deep and dug out his phone.

 

“Bjørn? Yeah, I'm still at the hospital. He's hurt, but not as badly as I feared. Have you found Magnus and Calle?”

 

Bjørn then explained that the two were just waiting for news now and the information of where to go. Bård had no idea where he was, so he had to go to the information desk and ask, quite embarrassed. The woman behind the counter smiled at him and told the name and address of the hospital. They agreed to meet there and then decide what to do. So again, Bård had nothing to do but wait for everyone to arrive.

 

*****

 

Magnus and Calle weren't quite sure where they were, but a taxi would take them to the address Bjørn had given them. They were relieved that Vegard's life wasn't in danger, but the events of the day weighed heavily on their minds. They were still torn over their own reaction. Or Calle was, at least. Magnus wouldn't talk about anything really. Calle knew that the tall man wasn't overly talkative, but this silence was a bit much, even for him. Not that Calle really knew what to say. Mainly he wanted to know that he wasn't alone in feeling so confused. Satisfied yet infinitely sad and scared at the same time.

 

“There's the hospital”, Magnus finally broke the silence and Calle nearly jumped. They paid the taxi driver (possibly twice the actual rate but at that moment they really just couldn't care) and entered the massive concrete building.

 

“Well that's the same everywhere: hospitals are fucking ugly”, Calle noted as they opened the front door. The decor was equally depressing but they ignored it. Calle was the designated speaker of English, so he went to the counter in the waiting room and asked where they would find room 492. The woman behind the counter gave them simple instructions and off they went. The elevator ride was swift and silent. It took the them one wrong turn, but then they were behind the correct door. Calle was ready to walk in, but Magnus was stood in his way. The tall man seemed to be in no hurry to actually open the door. Calle held back a snide comment and waited for a moment.

 

“So are we actually going in?” Calle asked after Magnus had just stood there for a full minute. The tall man seemed to visibly shake himself out of whatever was going on inside his head. Bård had informed them that the other two beds in the room were empty at the moment, so Magnus and Calle didn't bother knocking. They simply opened the door and stepped in.

 

Calle mocked the brothers endlessly, especially when they had adorable brotherly moments, but even he was struck by the utter cuteness of the scene before him. The brothers were asleep, Bård sitting in a chair by Vegard's bed. He had taken his big brother's hand in his and both seemed so calm and goddamn angelic that Calle wanted to spew. But this time, he held his mouth shut. Mainly because Bård seemed really tired and worried, even in his sleep. Vegard looked frighteningly pale against his dark curls and had a huge bruise on his face. Magnus and Calle decided to wait outside the room for the rest of the film crew.

 

The wait wasn't long, but Calle was still bored. And a bored Calle could be a nasty Calle. He could also be utterly hilarious when bored, but he had enough sense to behave himself in a hospital. However, the lack of anything else to do led him to pester Magnus.

 

“So are you ever going to talk about it?” Calle took a light, almost mocking tone, but underneath he was serious. Somehow Magnus' silence about the whole affair was harder to bear than knowing he was deeply ashamed – or deeply satisfied.

 

Magnus only looked at Calle. Calle looked back and waited. Finally Magnus averted his eyes.

 

“It happened”, he started. Calle waited for a while for the continuation. “That could've been me, you know.”

 

“Eh? I'm not sure I follow.”

 

“When I saw that happen, I saw myself push him. I could do it by accident!” Magnus finally said with such gut-wrenching despair that Calle was taken back.

 

“Hey come on, what the hell is this talk? There's no way you'd ever hurt anyone on purpose, certainly not your friends!” Calle was truly surprised by the strength of Magnus' reaction. And the irrationality of his thoughts.

 

“I just beat up a man”, Magnus said, voice completely void of emotion.

 

Calle had no reply for that. They waited in silence until Bjørn and Nico arrived.

 

*****

 

“It's been a long fucking day”, Calle said and everyone raised their glasses in agreement. Magnus, Calle, Bård, Bjørn and Nico were sitting in a bar within walking distance of their new hotel. Visiting hours at the hospital had ended and they had all been kicked out. Bård had wanted to stay, but armed with only limited English and little understanding of the local customs, he hadn't been able to talk the staff into letting him get his way. The others could see that Bård wasn't really with them, so they let him be and stare into distance. No one was feeling exactly jubilant, but they tried to at least enjoy each others' company and not let the day be completely wasted to misery.

 

“Well look on the bright side: we did manage to get plenty of good material for the show”, Bjørn tried. Bård glared at him with murder in his eyes.

 

“All I'm saying is, it wasn't completely wasted. I'm sure Vegard would be happy-”

 

“Shut up!” Bård snapped and everyone was taken aback. “Don't talk about him as if he was dead!”

 

“I-I really wasn't. Hey, I didn't mean it like that”, Bjørn tried, but Bård wasn't listening. He had grabbed his drink and downed it in one go.

 

Calle raised his eyebrow and swore to keep count of Bård's drinks. The young man had a poor head for alcohol to begin with, he did not need to mix it with the emotional upheavals of the day.

 

Luckily Nico said something and swiftly directed the conversation elsewhere. Calle was grateful for that. The absolute last thing they needed right now was to fight among themselves. They were all a bit subdued that evening though, so they didn't stay for very long. After only a couple of rounds, they paid and headed back to the hotel. Bård would be sleeping alone in the room he shared with Vegard, and Calle came very close to offering to stay with the younger man.

 

“Sure you're alright?” Calle asked when they were about to part ways. Bjørn and Nico's room was one floor lower, but Calle and Magnus were right next to the brothers. Or well, Bård for now.

 

“Yeah”, Bård said, sounding somewhat surprised. Calle guessed that he could be a bit of a mother hen for the youngest member of the group. Well, Magnus was younger, but sometimes Calle could swear he was the oldest.

 

“Get some sleep, we'll get Vegard out tomorrow and we have to be well-rested to keep an eye on him”, Calle said and bid Bård goodnight.

 

Bård stepped inside his room and crossed over to his bed. He knew Calle was right and he should really get some sleep, but he didn't want to close his eyes. Every time he did, he could see the image of Vegard lying on the ground. Bård knew he was being completely ridiculous, but somehow he considered Vegard to be invincible. Of course not literally, he wasn't mentally ill, but just the idea of his big brother being weak and helpless made Bård deeply uncomfortable. It didn't help that Vegard was rarely ill and even when he was, he would hide it until he literally couldn't anymore.

 

Bård considered himself to be a very sensible, independent and strong person. But still, there were times when he felt like he was five years old again and afraid to cross the road without holding his big brother's hand. And for the seven year old Bård, riding piggyback on Vegard had been the safest place he could possibly imagine. When that calming presence was not by his side, Bård felt lost.

 

Bård buried his face in his pillow. He was a grown man for crying out loud! He should not be having thoughts like these. It must be all the stress of the day, Bård decided. He was just over-tired and worried and needed sleep. On the following day, he would laugh at himself. But at that moment, it was very hard to feel strong. He was feeling so alone and abandoned it was bordering on ridiculous. All the self-abuse wasn't working though, Bård still felt miserable. He did eventually take a shower and go to bed properly, but sleep was slow to come. Maybe the alcohol wasn't helping either, although Bård didn't think he had drank that much. Feeling like the lowest human being alive, he did manage to fall asleep at some point during the night anyway.


	4. Chapter 4

It was raining the following morning. Bård walked from a taxi to the hospital and felt raindrops hit his hair. That was okay, he hadn't waited for it to dry after his morning shower anyway. Bård and Calle were the ones who would be picking up Vegard. Magnus had wanted to come too, but Bård had been secretly worried that the large man would just put Vegard under his arm and carry him home. To save his brother's dignity, Bård only let Calle accompany him. Calle would certainly raise no fuss but had the strength to help Vegard if he needed it.

Bård was feeling almost nervous when they stepped into the hospital and found the correct room. He shouldn't have been worried though. Vegard was sitting in his bed and talking to a very attractive nurse. She was taking off the IV thing from his arm and Vegard was telling her about Norway. Bård rolled his eyes and hollered a greeting. Vegard turned towards the two and Bård was pleased to see he looked a lot better. His hair was a tragic mess, but some colour had returned to his cheeks and his eyes were focused.

“Should've known I'd find you hitting on the nurses”, Bård said in Norwegian and grinned. Vegard gave him a dirty look but smiled as well. Calle just sighed deep.

“You two just can't behave yourselves anywhere, can you?”

“Nope, not at all”, Bård replied to Calle and stopped to stand at the foot of Vegard's bed, giving the nurse room to finish her job.

After a short moment, she was done. Bård thanked her in Ukrainian and she gave him a surprised but very pleased smile in return. Then she was gone and Bård concentrated on his brother.

“Have you heard when they're letting you go?” he asked.

“Yeah, the doctor will come at some point soon and if he says all is well, I'm free to go”, Vegard said, inspecting the plaster the nurse had put on his hand. It was a pink Hello Kitty one.

“How's your mobility?” Calle asked. Vegard could only shrug. He hadn't exactly been traipsing around the hospital.

“We'll see that”, Bård said. “I'm just glad you're okay.”

Vegard couldn't quite meet his brother's eyes, but he did flash a small smile.

“Right, I'm getting breakfast!” Calle declared and left. If those two were going to have a brotherly moment, he wanted no part in it.

Bård almost said what was truly going on in his head, but stopped himself just in time. Instead he just sat down in the lawn chair again and took a deep breath. Vegard would be fine. There was nothing to be scared of now.

“Hey where's my phone?” Vegard asked and Bård couldn't hold back a laugh. Yep, he was feeling better alright.

“With your other stuff and clothes”, Bård only answered. He didn't really know, but he always liked to pretend he knew everything. Vegard gave him a look that said 'really, do you now' and Bård had to snort. If there was one person who always saw through him, it was Vegard.

“You know, I really am glad you're not... you know. Dead.” Bård said and had to look away. He hadn't meant to say anything, but the fear was still so fresh in his mind. He felt Vegard gently pat his arm.

“I'm fine”, Vegard said and Bård wanted to believe him.

“Yeah sure, tell me that when your face isn't covered in bruises.”

“Really?” Vegard said and touched his cheek.

“Huge one right there”, Bård told him. And it did really look nasty. All colours of the rainbow kind of nasty.

“Ah well”, Vegard only shrugged. He was starting to look quite tired and pale again. Bård told him to lay down and rest. Instead of the murderous look he was expecting in reply, Vegard simply complied. That made Bård uneasy. Vegard was supposed to bitch and moan and claim to be perfectly fine. Him silently laying down and closing his eyes was making Bård highly uncomfortable.

“Stop fretting, I'm fine”, Vegard mumbled and Bård had to smile. Okay, there was some fight left in his brother after all.

Bård spent the next half an hour texting to their mother while Vegard was napping, finally telling her what had happened. She was completely horrified and worried, but Bård convinced her everything was fine. Trying to make her believe it also helped him to convince himself it was true.

Calle eventually rejoined the group. He handed Bård a steaming mug of coffee and settled himself into the corner. He dug out his phone and concentrated on that. Bård sent a final message to their mother, promising to come home as soon as they could. Then he just waited and watched Vegard sleep. Maybe a bit creepy, but he had nothing else to do. Luckily, the doctor soon arrived. He shooed Bård and Calle from the room and they moved to the hallway to wait some more.

*****

Bård had thought that all would be well now, but his heart was pounding and he just hoped it would be over. The day had started so well: Vegard had seemed surprisingly fine and they were eager to get him to the hotel. Of course, Bård hadn't thought about the actual relocation. A nurse had shown them all how to put Vegard's knee brace on and off and she had given him a single crutch. The broken arm prevented Vegard from using two and he refused a wheelchair.

At first it had gone well. Vegard was quite deftly hobbling about on a single crutch, but soon he began to tire and was in obvious pain. Calle had grabbed Vegard's arm right below the shoulder, well above the cast, but even that grip had hurt Vegard, so Calle had let go. He considered putting his arm around his friend's middle, but any pressure aggravated his broken ribs. So basically Vegard was on his own and he was starting to have some trouble. They had to stop a couple of times on the way out of the hospital and Bård was feeling despair settle on him. When they were at the front doors, Bård directed Vegard to the nearest bench outside and Calle went to look out for a taxi. Mercifully it had stopped raining, but the bench was still wet.

After taking a short breather, Vegard climbed back to his feet and started slowly walking towards the taxi that Calle had reserved for them. Bård felt completely useless, just hovering near Vegard but not daring to touch him at all. He did try to say something encouraging, but after Vegard told him to shut up, Bård kept his mouth closed. Vegard very rarely snapped at his brother, so Bård knew he was pretty much at the end of his endurance. He just hoped they would actually make it to the hotel before Vegard's strength gave out entirely.

In the taxi, Calle took the front seat while the brothers went to the back. As soon as they were seated, Vegard leaned his sweaty head against Bård's shoulder and closed his eyes. If Bård saw some moisture in them, he kept that to himself.

They reached the hotel all too soon for Bård's liking, since Vegard didn't seem any better from the brief rest. He was alarmingly pale and trembling visibly. As they got out from the taxi, Bård instinctively grabbed Vegard's arm to help him, but the sudden yelp of pain made him let go immediately, which in turn almost made Vegard fall. The smaller man managed to catch himself, but he was panting hard and Bård felt like the biggest idiot on the planet. He just wanted to be home, safe inside his mother's embrace. And that thought in turn made Bård want to die of shame. He was a grown man for crying out loud! This was not the time to cry for mommy, this was the time to take care of his brother.

Somehow, they managed to reach the lobby. Bård saw another seat and pointed it out to Vegard. He only nodded in return, utterly spent. Calle was standing nearby, feeling like an outsider. Bård had pulled out a handkerchief and was mopping Vegard's face with it. After several minuted ticked by, Calle reminded them to keep moving. They were so close now, no time to give up!

Vegard wearily climbed back to his feet. For a moment, Bård was worried he would either faint or throw up, but instead Vegard started to move slowly towards the elevators. Calle went ahead to call one down and to keep the door open when it arrived. All three piled in and Vegard leaned against Bård. Bård gently put his arm behind Vegard's back to give what little support he could.

Finally they made it to the right floor and were only a few meters away from the room. Bård hurried ahead to open the door and Calle stayed by Vegard's side. His friend was completely white, covered in sweat, trembling visibly and his harsh pants were starting to sound an awful lot like sobs.

Vegard eventually made it inside the room under his own power. He managed to sit down on the bed nearest the door and then he simply gave up. Bård was just in time to catch his brother as his head lolled forward in a dead faint. He and Calle laid him down on the bed properly.

“Jesus fucking Christ”, was all Calle said. Bård had even less to say. They were both breathing hard, feeling somewhat shaky themselves.

“Let's fucking never do that again”, Calle continued when he had calmed down a bit. Bård only nodded. He went to Vegard and dug out his brother's phone and wallet from his pockets. After putting them on the night stand, he visited the bathroom to wet one of the small towels and proceeded to wipe Vegard's face with it. Vegard was truly out of it, but at least he was breathing calmly and had stopped shaking.


	5. Chapter 5

“You know, I don't think it's just sprained”, Calle suddenly said and Bård almost jumped. They had been sitting in the brothers' hotel room, deep in their thoughts. Well, Calle had apparently been thinking, Bård had just stared into distance and brooded.

“Did you notice how he couldn't put any weight on his knee at all and even the smallest touch or movement made him gasp in pain?” Calle asked. Bård only looked at him. He had indeed not noticed. “Maybe you understood the doctor wrong?”

“Well his English wasn't perfect”, Bård replied, getting worried again. Why could this nightmare not just be over yet?

“When can we go home?” Calle suddenly asked, possibly responding to Bård's bleak mood.

“I don't know”, Bård looked away. He had imagined Vegard would've insisted on getting the first available flight to Norway and that he would've pretty much run to the airport. So far, Vegard's contribution to their travel plans had been non-existent. He had slept, asked for water once and then slept some more. Not that Bård blamed him. He just... didn't want to be the responsible one.

“Maybe let Vegard rest a couple of days before the hassle of travelling?” Calle suggested. Bård only nodded, grateful that someone came up with something concrete.

The camera crew had decided to return home with the equipment on that day. Magnus would stay behind with Calle and the brothers. Bård had claimed that he would be fine with Vegard alone, but he was shamefully happy that his friends would stay. After the hellish trip from hospital to hotel, Bård wasn't sure at all that he could manage by himself.

“Alright, I'll go get Magnus and we'll grab some food to bring here. You in a mood for something specific?” Calle asked, already halfway out the door. Bård just grunted something vague. He wasn't that hungry anyway. He settled more comfortably on his own bed and looked at Vegard. There was a slight frown on his face.

“You really asleep?” Bård asked semi-quietly. No answer. “I'm so fucking done with this whole trip”, Bård said and covered his face in his hands. He also realised he was talking to himself, but no one was there to hear him, so whatever.

“In a way, I almost envy you”, Bård continued, not even bothering to keep his voice down. “You're just sleeping there, you don't have to deal with any of this crap!”

“Did you just say that?” Vegard asked and Bård actually jumped. He turned to look at his brother and suddenly realised how utterly whiny he was sounding.

“No, I just meant -” Bård tried.

“Never mind”, Vegard mumbled. He was very pale and tiny beads of sweat had gathered on his brow.

“I'm sorry”, Bård said, feeling his face go red.

“Never mind”, Vegard repeated. For a moment, they were silent. Bård was sinking back to his thoughts, feeling worse than before, but Vegard soon spoke again.

“Where're the pills they gave me?”

“You haven't eaten anything today”, Bård said in reply. Vegard opened one eye and looked at Bård, not seeing the connection.

“You'll feel sick if you take them, you know that”.

“I don't care”, Vegard said and in that moment, Bård realised just how badly he was hurting. He got up and walked the three steps that were between his and Vegard's beds.

“Can I do something?” Bård asked, feeling like he was five years old again. Vegard only shook his head slightly.

Bård stood there uselessly for a moment. What the hell was he supposed to do? He remembered that whenever he had fallen over as a kid when they were playing outside together, Vegard had always known how to comfort him, be it kissing his injured body part or telling him that he was okay and should just keep playing. Somehow, Bård didn't think either tactic was fitting in the situation at hand. Gods how he wished Calle and Magnus would return soon. Calle always seemed to know what to do and Magnus' presence alone was soothing. Bård was completely useless. He scoffed at the idea that he would ever be a father. If he couldn't even help his brother when he needed him, what would he do with a child that was completely dependent on him?

*****

“Chinese food!” Calle declared after Bård had opened the door. Bård retreated in and let Calle and Magnus fill the room along with enticing scents. Bård didn't have much of an appetite, but his stomach reacted to the presence of food with a hungry gurgle.

“Wasn't sure we'd find one, but we did!” Calle said, relating their short story of finding a restaurant with take-out. Magnus put a plastic bag on the only table in the room and all three crowded around it. Bård looked at Vegard, but he was either asleep or ignoring them. Fine, Bård would eat first and then try to coax his brother into trying something.

The food was delicious. But then again, all three were so hungry they probably would've enjoyed eating an old shoe. They devoured their meal fast and Bård looked at what he could feed his brother. Calle had thought to bring a miso soup for Vegard.

“Isn't that Japanese though? The miso?” Bård asked after he opened the container and smelled the brown liquid.

“It was some sort of Asian fusion”, Magnus said and shrugged. Only then did Bård realise that Magnus had barely said a single word to him since the incident. Bård had no time to think about his large friend's behaviour though, since he was on a mission to get Vegard to eat some soup before it went completely cold.

“Dinner!” Bård said loudly and waited for Vegard to open his eyes. Two utterly unamused brown eyes focused on him. “You can manage soup”, Bård said, trying to convince them both. Vegard nodded and slowly sat up. Bård piled all the pillows in the room behind his back so Vegard could lean back, almost comfortable. For a moment Bård considered feeding his brother, but he settled on holding the container so Vegard could eat one-handed. Not that he managed much. After about one third was gone, Vegard declared that he was done and he wanted his pills. Bård grudgingly dug them out from his bag and handed to Vegard with a bottle of water. After his brother only looked at him in annoyance for a moment, Bård realised he had been an idiot again. He quickly unscrewed the tight cap and handed the bottle back.

“Sorry”, Bård muttered. He felt beyond useless. He felt like he was actively making the situation worse.

“Bård, come here”, Calle suddenly called. Bård looked up in surprise but obeyed. Calle pointed to the door. They went out into the hallway and closed the door behind them.

“What's up?” Bård asked, quite confused.

“Nothing really, just thought you might need a break.”

“I'm fine”, Bård insisted, but he knew Calle saw right through him.

“It's okay”, Calle said so gently that cold shivers ran down Bård's spine. “You're not alone here, you know.”

Bård wanted to thank Calle. He wanted to hug him. Instead, he told Calle that he was being such a girl and he went back inside the room. But Bård felt massively better. He felt like he could face whatever shit the world decided to throw at him next. He felt like he could conquer any obstacle.

*****

Bård's next challenge turned out to be much easier than he had imagined. After the first difficult day, Vegard was feeling somewhat better on the following day and his main complaint was boredom as long as he didn't try to move around. Thus they couldn't really go explore the city, so Bård did his best to keep his brother entertained. Calle and Magnus helped too, but they popped outside every now and then to retrieve food and to get some air. Both did offer to stay with Vegard if Bård wanted a break, but he refused. In a way, it was nice to have the time together with his brother. They had no immediate responsibilities or schedules to follow, so they could just relax with each other.

“Mom, it's okay. No, mom, listen! I'm fine, it's -” Vegard tried, but their mother was worried and loud. In the end, Vegard just gave up and held the phone against his face, barely listening. Until something caught his attention.

“No! Turn the computer off right now! You're not flying here for crying out loud!” Vegard shouted, going quite red with embarrassment. Fortunately, only Bård was in the room with him, but that little devil was stifling his giggling against his sleeve. Vegard sighed in exasperation and continued convincing their mother that he was fine, she had no need whatsoever to fly there and that they would return home soon anyway. Eventually, she gave up and Vegard was able to put the phone down. He ran a single hand through his curls and closed his eyes.

“Did you mean it?” Bård suddenly asked.

“Huh?” Vegard asked. He had already been halfway asleep. He didn't understand how he could be so infernally tired all the time, but he couldn't really fight against it either.

“That we'd go home soon”, Bård clarified and hoped quite uselessly that he didn't sound like a lost five-year-old.

“Yeah”, Vegard mumbled. He was losing the battle against sleep again. “I'm sorry.”

“What for?” Bård asked, quite confused.

“For this whole mess.”

“How is it even your fault?”

“Mmm.”

“If someone is to blame, it's me. I'm the one who told you to go kick that guy. If someone here is responsible, it's me. I should really be apologising to you. I'm not sure I know how, though. Shit, I don't even know how to make you feel better.” Bård knelt down next to Vegard's bed and tucked a wayward strand of curls behind his ear. Vegard had been asleep for a full minute already, not having heard anything Bård had said. Which was just as well, Bård truly didn't know how he could ever communicate his feelings to his older brother.

In that as well as in many things, they were two of a kind. Emotions had them mostly scared and were not something they would ever discuss. And as bad as Bård was with the subject, he knew Vegard was even worse. Bård at least sometimes made an effort to pretend or at least try to say something, but Vegard never gave an inch of his true feelings. 

It was quite sad if one was to really think about it. However, Bård had no desire to dwell on such matters. They would soon return home and all would be normal again. Well, at least for him. Vegard would be physically hindered for some time still, but at least he would be home too. Bård actually considered asking Vegard to stay with him while he was half-crippled. They both lived alone and Bård thought his brother might have trouble with everyday things for a while. He would probably refuse Bård's offer, but he had to make it anyway. Anything to lessen the guilt he felt.

Bård settled down on his own bed. It was actually getting a bit late. Bård could also feel the sweet pull of sleep on him and figured there was no point in resisting it. Vegard was lying on his back and snoring like a chainsaw, but his knee wouldn't allow him to sleep on either side so Bård didn't go poking him to make him roll over. It was also somehow reassuring, to constantly hear that his brother was still there, still alive.

Bård pulled his blanket up to his chin. It wasn't really particularly cold, but he needed the comfort. Even the thought of losing someone so important to him was unbearable. To think how close it had been to actually happening. A little bit more pressure in the wrong place and Vegard could've been dead. Bård shuddered despite his blanket. He would definitely convince Vegard to stay with him for a while. They could even use all the time they'd have together to come up with new material for their show. One thing was certain though: Bård was done with pranks. No more physically harassing strangers. They could do more voice-activated things or phone calls, but he would not allow his brother to be in harm's way again.

Feeling much better, Bård fell asleep with the sweet lullaby of his brother's snoring in his ears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus this story is finished. 
> 
> A huge thank you to all who commented and left kudos!


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